“I don’t want to yell at my children. It doesn’t work and I feel awful after” I have heard this over and over again. I have felt this same way, many a time.
There are plenty of resources sharing alternatives that you could choose instead. I can very easily think of at least a million and two other ways I could have done it, AFTER. In the moment, not a snowballs chance in hell.
So what’s really going on is what I want to talk about. Your bathtub’s full. You started filling the bathtub as a child. Little things made you angry, and an adult said “don’t be silly”, “cut it out” or some other put it away request. So we did. Then some bigger things made us angry and again instead of releasing it we added it to the bathtub. Drip, drip, drip. Fast forward to the right now.
Full bathtub. Now what happens. A teeny tiny drop added, can cause an overflow. Very often the teeny tiny drops are our children’s behaviour. Not listening is one of my favorites. You guessed it. They don’t listen, picture tiny drops into my bathtub. Now picture the deluge of water on them, that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Quickly followed by the deluge of guilt that covers me from head to toe.
Here’s what I’m inviting you to do. Anger on purpose. Not as a heat of the moment reaction to anyone or anything. Actually setting out to get angry, in a satisfying way.
Kick boxing classes
Hitting golf balls at a driving range
Yelling at the referees while watching sports on TV
Screaming in your car, out in nature, the closet, anywhere you can get your screams out
Kicking a boxing bag
Hitting baseballs in a batting cage
Smashing second hand chipped dishes, into a dumpster, with safety goggles
If we create a valve on the bathtub and let some out. The next time there’s a tiny drop, it will simply go plup into the tub. No overflow, no yelling, no guilt.
Everyone knows that water all over the floor in the bathroom is dangerous, right? Find your valve!
Inspired By: Bay LeBlanc Quiney